Manipulation, the definition is to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics. Negative things are often associated with manipulation, whereas in reality it could be used for good and bad. Social influence isn’t always a bad thing as friends, family and doctors may persuade you to change unhelpful habits and behaviours. Many people never actually know that they’re being manipulated until they’re out of the situation or someone points it out.
Manipulative Tactics
There are two common types of manipulators, the “bully” and the “victim.” The bully creates fear. They usually use intimidation, threats and anger to try to control you. Whereas, the victim creates a feeling of guilt in their target.
Common manipulative tactics among many are guilt, comparing, lying, denying (such as excuses), blaming, assumptions, emotional blackmail, fake concern, apologies, flattery, and gifts and favours.
Emotional blackmail is a form of emotional abuse. Behaviours that fall into this category are rage, threats, intimidation, shame and guilt. Both shame, comparing and guilt are used as a method to create self-doubt and make you feel insecure. Sometimes it may be disguised as a compliment, “I’m surprised that you of all people would…” It’s an effective way of making the victim feel inadequate.
Flattery, gifts and favours are often used to lower the victim’s defences and gain their trust and loyalty. It is often very common for the manipulator to offer help in order to gain an unsuspecting victim’s trust.
What Should I Do If I’m Being Manipulated?
Manipulation can range from a salesman to an emotionally abusive partner. Ask yourself, “Am I questioning myself more than usual? Do I feel pressured or obligated to do something? Do I feel controlled?” If the answer is yes, then you’re most likely being manipulated. The best thing to do if you’re being manipulated is to communicate that to somebody. That somebody can range from family and friends to a therapist. It shouldn’t matter who it is, as long as it’s somebody that you can trust. You can also permanently or temporarily put that manipulation to a halt by establishing boundaries with your partner. Let them know how you feel about the situation, and start pointing out things they do that might trigger you. If the situation further escalates, try to keep calm and let somebody else know.
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