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Why should we give compliments?

I still remember back when one of my teachers explained to our class that giving a compliment not only makes the other person happy, but also yourself happy. She contrasted this with insulting a student (for demonstrative purposes, don’t worry). The point she was trying to make was that by lowering someone else, you only feel a good for a short while. On the other hand, giving compliments is mutually beneficial and that good feeling lasts for longer. It just makes sense.

Words can be powerful. After reflecting on some of the compliments I’ve received, I was inspired to make this post. Out of all of the compliments, this one stood out to me as being extra special. I wasn’t expecting it.  That’s what made it special. I didn’t know that I was able to make someone feel this way until they told me:

“Although you may not know it, you’ve been an inspiration to me through seeing the character you have, the decisions you make, and your ethics. I’m going through a period in my life where I lack a definitive purpose, and seeing you strive for your goals gives me a sense of hope. You are truly an amazing example of hard work and ambition, thank you for staying true to who you are.”

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Based on what other people have told me about their favourite compliments, I’ve noticed a couple of trends on what makes a compliment memorable. First, the compliments that are unexpected or that make you realize a strength about yourself that you didn’t notice before. Secondly, compliments that make you feel happy to be you, whether it’s physical appearances or personality traits. Lastly, compliments that are from an authority figure such as a teacher or religious leader. You can keep this in mind the next time you compliment someone.

People will never forget how you made them feel. I like to remember this quote from Maya Angelou, because it’s a reminder that our words and our actions can having lasting impacts on others. I was surprised to see what types of compliments stuck with people, and even though they may have been said years ago, it’s still with them. It’s a testament to the fact that you have the potential to make someone feel good or feel bad. Words have weight and you never know how someone might interpret something you say.

Compliment others. It may seem like a small thing, but it’s always nice to hear. You never know, what you say to someone might end up being their favourite compliment. It’s one of the simplest ways to impact another person’s life in a positive way and everyone’s capable of doing it. There are some people who are just waiting for someone to recognize and appreciate them. That’s why I also asked: “How do you want others to see you?” as an alternate question for those who couldn’t think of their favourite compliment.

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Without further ado, these are the responses that I received from the following questions:

What is your favourite compliment that you’ve received? Why? If nothing comes to mind, you can answer this alternate question: How do you want others to see you? For example: “I want others to see me as someone who is generous.”

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“One compliment I remember getting was my science teacher telling my parents how hard-working I was at my grade 9 “graduation”. It resonates with me because that was also the day I got a scholarship. To have my favorite teacher validate the effort I put into my work gave me a lot to be proud of. Plus, it made my parents cry tears of joy, so it’s always fun to look back on!” – Kandace (YAA)

“Usually, my favourite compliments are ones that have to do with my sense of humour or writing ability.” – Maddison (YAA)

“My English teacher once told my mom actually that me being a positive influence in the world was pretty much inevitable. I think the timing more than anything makes that one stand out because when you’re getting yourself down or someone else is for not being good enough, a “compliment of/from authority” can go a long way.” – Elene (YAA)

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“Usually I really enjoy when my friends, peers, or strangers comment on my outfit or makeup and say “you look on point today” or “your eyebrow game is strong today”. It might be a little silly but it always seems to brighten up my day and boost my self esteem.” – Emily (YAA)

“A favorite compliment that I have received would have to be that I am a resourceful person. Up until that point, I would never have considered myself to be “resourceful” in a sense. It helped me to realize that even though I may not notice it, I can overcome problems in a creative manner.” – Anonymous

“My favourite compliment I’ve ever recieved is, “your teeth look really nice!” Since I was 8, I’ve been consistently told by my dentist, parents and sister that I’m going to need braces. Just a few months ago I had them taken off and honestly, I think those 2 1/2 years of pain and a lot of money went a long way. I feel more confident with my smile and I love showing it off!” – Armina

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“I think that I really want to be viewed as someone who is a leader. I do enjoy being someone who people can rely on to do well, and I love to hear everyone’s ideas and incorporate them into whatever we’re doing. As someone who can be immature sometimes and very irresponsible, when I am put in a position where I am needed to be relied on and act as a leader then that’s what I become. To put it in a nutshell growing up one of my favourite speakers said “Don’t fake it till you make it, fake it till you become it.” So that’s what I want to become and be viewed as, a leader!” – Sara

“Well my favourite compliment would probably be “You’re my favourite person to be around because you’re have this positive energy.” I also want people to see me as someone who is great to be around.” – Aymen

“Someone told me, “I admire your individuality.” I liked the compliment because my individuality refers to everything about me that stands out, and her admiration is probably directed toward the comfort I have with expressing that individuality – a comfort that took years to develop and that I’m still working on. Some days I don’t like how different I feel, so it’s nice to know that someone admires me simply for being myself.” – Naoreen

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“Isn’t it strange how typically for humans, well especially in my case, it is easier to remember all of the negative remarks people have said to us rather than the positives? This post/blog idea really made me take a quick “jog down memory lane” and to be grateful for all the love I have received.

I believe a compliment that I have received and that has stayed with me till today would probably be one written to me by a religious education teacher saying, “Your strength of faith, confidence, individuality, and independence are qualities that enable you to be a role model for your fellow students.“ 

This for me meant a lot and still does because those are qualities I strive to continuously improve about myself. Also this compliment reflected on how being myself was impacting others in a positive way which left me to be grateful to God for all He has bestowed upon me. Nonetheless, it let me realize that I do have the capabilities of being an effective leader within me.” – Malika (YAA)

“Any compliment is pleasing to hear: “You’re so generous”, “I like your sense of humor”, “You’re such a smart kid”, “You’re pretty”. I want other people to see me as someone who is caring, passionate and warm hearted. I look very intimidating so it might be hard for them to think that from their first impression of me.” – Anonymous

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“It was at the beginning of this year. A teacher and I were having a conversation when he suddenly stops me and says: “I really like how you say ‘I feel as though’. It’s a really passive way of showing your opinions. It makes me feel like my opinions aren’t under attack.”

As silly it may seem, that is the greatest compliment I have ever received from a teacher…ever. It was actually the only compliment I ever received from a teacher in my 11 years of learning. And the thing is, it wasn’t even some generic comment like ‘you’re so smart’. It was something that no one has ever noticed before; something that I try really hard to keep in check. When I talk, I have this habit of using the words ‘I feel as though’ rather than ‘I know’. So for example if I am talking about a colour I think is the best, I would be like ‘I feel as though blue is the greatest colour’ rather than ‘Blue is the greatest colour’. I feel as though I do this because I don’t want to come across as too aggressive or opinionated.

I want people to feel like I’m not overriding their ideas with mine, their ideas are important to me as if we are working together to build something. Often I use this so much that people think I’m too shy or don’t have a mind of my own to form my own opinions or that I lack skill in the English language. The biggest battle I have ever encountered in life, are people who think they know everything and just love to throughout other people’s ideas. I never want to be that person; so, when that teacher gave me this compliment, it made me think about how I might just be becoming the person who I have always wanted to be and that no matter what, there are people who will notice the extra mile you go for the sake of humanity.” – Abeer

“The compliments I’ve received that mean the most to me are the ones regarding my mind, or I guess in other words, my thought process. I get incredibly happy when people tell me I’m intelligent, “wise for my age”, am a deep thinker, or anything related. For me, that means a lot because it’s like they’re complimenting me as a person, you know? A lot of the time I find myself wishing I didn’t overthink so much so when someone compliments my thoughts, it means a lot.” – Anonymous

“It’s not my most favourite compliment that I got, but its something that just stands out from the rest. So to begin with, my friend and I were basically talking and for some reason my height became the topic (for those who don’t know me, I’m considered short for just being 5’2″) and since I get called short a lot, I made him aware that I already know how I’m short so he doesn’t have to rub it in my face.

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His response was “it’s okay, good things come in small packages” … I was just in aweh! Don’t get me wrong, I love myself and even my height (I’m not insecure of it, not even an inch) but what he said just made me feel even better about myself. I just got used to getting teased most of the time, and being accepted out of the blue felt something special I guess.

His compliment was just short and sweet. Ha! Get it? His compliment was short and we’re talking about my shortness? Ya? No? Haha. Okaay. But anyways, that was one of the compliments I remember easily cause it wasn’t one of those things you would see it coming. In a way, it made me feel special and loved just the way I am that’s why I remember it till now I suppose.” – Aubrey

“My favourite compliment is probably “it’s good that you know what you want from life.” Or something along those lines. A few people have said this to me and I know it’s not a compliment to my physical appearance or to my personality really, but it’s something I take pride in. I know exactly where I want to go, how I want to live my life. If things don’t work out perfectly that’s fine, things come unexpectedly and I know I’m good at handling that. It just makes me feel more confident in myself to be able to achieve what I want, and I think confidence like that is really important.” – Talen

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“I think that in my mind, there are two favourites but I am going to share one that I have found recent while walking down memory lane. I was looking through my portfolio back in primary school. The comment was from my teacher saying, “Charie, you will always do well because you care enough to try. Keep it up! – R”

I think that this is my favourite because it is a compliment as well as an advice. I was obviously being too harsh on myself and I think that the teacher picked up on that. Although, it may not have meant much to me as a Year 6* kid, as an 18 year old, it is exactly what I need to hear. It is not a lesson I carry with me – sometimes the main thing hindering us from succeeding is ourselves and no one fails if they try their hardest.” – Charie

*Grade 6

“I want others to view me as a strong person because I feel like that encompasses my overall approach to life. I always try to push that extra mile or aim for something that almost seems unattainable. All of that comes with a lot of struggles, and through it all, I try to be strong. I usually try to mask my hardships in the fear of seeming weak or of being misunderstood, so when someone can identify my strength, it feels rewarding.” – Anonymous

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“I’ve actually had to think about that for quite some time. I didn’t realize what I wanted people to get from me until I began to examine the interactions that I have with people on a daily basis. What I came to the conclusion of was that I wanted people to think of me as happy.

Throughout my life I’ve been surrounded with people of different personalities who all convey something different upon interaction. The ones that have always bothered me are the ones that seem upset. Like the world is pledged against them some way. From a young age I’ve always attempted to be light hearted and open to strangers – following in the footsteps of my dad. And I think the reason I want people think I’m happy is because happiness is contagious. Even if I’m not happy I might be able to change someone else’s day because of my façade.” – Tracy

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 Give someone a compliment today.

After seeing all of these compliments, it should be proof that some kind words can go a long way. Give a compliment. Whether it be a familiar friend or a random stranger, you never know when they might need a little pick-me-up.