Alright, so I am 80 per cent sure that summer is here to stay and doesn’t disappear in the dead of night. That’s what my dreams do (ba dum tss). But with summer comes with the awful creations put here on Earth in order to turn me into a gross puffy mess – mosquitoes.
Also known as tiny little vampires who steal MY LIFE ESSENCE WITHOUT PERMISSION. EXCUSE YOU – RUDE. Anyway after being bitten multiple times and having lost enough blood to make myself eligible for a transfusion, the itching began to flare up.
And oh did it ever. My left forearm was so swollen people thought it was a bee sting. My legs were so red from the constant scratching everybody thought I was a tourist coming back from Florida. But alas, it was only mosquitoes. So in a desperate attempt to quell the white swollen lumps on my limbs, I went to Google to look for cures. I took the liberty of experimenting some of these on myself – WHICH YOU SHOULD NOT DO. I already mentioned this in one of my posts – I am not a good role model. I’m a 16 year old hermit who blew up a tent (with fireworks, if you were wondering) and doesn’t know how to spend wisely.
The very first method I tried was lancing it. Lancing is usually reserved for disgusting boils and YouTube videos that you stumble upon at 3 a.m. after binge watching cats stuck in things. Usually you use a hypodermic needle or a thin needle of some sort to create 
a hole in the offending lump and extract the fluid that makes it lumpy. In this case, I’m attempting to extract the anticoagulant that mosquitoes inject in you in order to have a constant flow of blood. This is also what makes mosquito bites itchy along with mosquito proteins that also happen to get injected into you when they’re stealing YOUR LIFE ESSENCE. Anyway, since I didn’t have a hypodermic needle I attacked my biggest bite with a safety pin that I stuck in a lighter flame for a few seconds because you know, science.
The result?
With excessive amounts of squeezing a clear fluid out of it that was definitely not blood. The itch subsided for a couple days but it swelled quite a bit afterwards. “But Jess! Aren’t you scarring yourself?” cries the concerned reader (if I have any).
Only mentally, my friend. Only mentally.
Since some of my bites have subsided I’ll probably scratch them until they form a ridiculous lump again which means MORE SELF-TESTING FOR REMEDIES!
Next up: Essential oils – which ones work, which ones smell nice, which ones repel mosquitoes and which ones repel cute boys.
