“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
-A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh
If you remember the posts from Danielle and I a few weeks ago, we, along with Richard, recently returned from being part of a 64 year tradition known as SUNIA. The 5-day camp brought together high school students from all across Canada and encouraged us to discuss important global and community issues while reveling in the gorgeous landscape of the Rockies. When I had signed up for the camp after watching their very convincing promotional video at U of C HSMUN back in February, I had expected the experience to be an educational camp where 60-or-so kids gathered to learn more about the United Nations and went on hikes in between. The prospect of that was enough to get me to sign up, but what I ended up getting out of it was so much more.
Going into SUNIA, I had brought a lot of personal baggage with me that really weighed down on me. I came in feeling sorry for myself and the situation I had recently found myself in; my mind was scrambled in many different directions. I had been incredibly excited for my time at SUNIA for the entirety of the summer, but circumstances made it difficult for me to want to leave the comfort of my home and the support of my family in the days before, and I had doubts about going right from the get-go. On the first night, I was honestly concerned that I wouldn’t have a good time because of the weight of my personal problems, and while I was able to forget about them momentarily and make friends on the bus ride up to the Goldeye Centre, there was always a layer of sadness that I would come to in the background that was like white noise; a constant bug in the back of my head reminding me that I wasn’t okay. Looking back, I wish I could’ve pushed aside those feelings and forced myself to make more friends right away, but I also accept that I needed time to mull over my situation as it was. It is at this point that I really have to thank Danielle for all that she was there for that week, because we were going through something similar, we were able to be each other’s support systems. Even though Danielle and I spent the first night crammed on a sofa chair in melancholy, even just thinking back to all the laughs we had and friends we made on the way up to camp, it doesn’t seem like a surprise to me now that we would go on to have such a rewarding and joy-filled week.
Going through what we went through so recently, I actually can’t imagine better timing for it. Though it seems like a funny thing to think is positive: to go through something so difficult and dramatic immediately before a week-long camp where you’re supposed to be having fun, going into SUNIA with the mindset of self-reflection really enhanced my experience. Not only did I have fun and learn about world issues, I also learned a lot about myself. At nights and during discussions, I would often take that time to think about the repercussions of what had happened on my life, and what I can learn about myself based on my treatment of it. Even just getting out of the city and enjoying nature was helpful, but the kindness and genuine goodwill of everyone present at camp was what elevated my experience even more. Most of the activities at SUNIA are kept secret so that every year, new Sunians can enjoy the same element of surprise that those who did the came 60 years ago did, and we didn’t know half the what an activity was going to be about. While this took some getting used to (it was all very don’t ask, don’t tell) I definitely appreciated everything we did more when I didn’t know it was coming. Upon deeper reflection, the multitude of surprises and changes made me realize that abrupt changes aren’t necessarily bad things; if you learn to embrace and face the change, you can end up enjoying yourself so much more.
One of the key moments in my journey of clarity and self-discovery came on Wednesday. I had been feeling anxious all day, but as I hiked up Mount Baldy with Danielle and one of our UN speakers, Jacky, all of my unhappiness dissolved. We sang our way up the mountain and after we had made our way down, I realized that I had felt genuinely happy for the first time in a while. The combined factors of song, activity, nature, and strengthening bonds with amazing human beings reminded me that no matter what, I will always have those things in my life, and to not worry about the things bothering me. Later that night, we performed a SUNIA tradition that finalized my resolve to forget my worries. Though I can’t reveal what it was because it truly was an amazing surprise, I was so incredibly humbled by the activity. I had been so focused on my own problems that I had lost sight of the bigger picture. I was so upset at my situation when in fact, I am actually so incredibly lucky to have that kind of problem in my life. The activity put things into perspective, and I know that in the future when I do run into problems in my life that makes me feel unfortunate or unhappy, I will always remember to look at the bigger picture and to realize my privilege.
I went into Thursday with a much clearer mind to say the least, and I experienced one of the happiest moments in my life that day. Though it was a low-key and relaxed day activity-wise, the things we did were so much fun. I fear revealing too much and because of that, I don’t want to say any more than this: sometimes you must let go to experience happiness. We did an activity that saw us release all of our inhibitions and instincts and just go for it, and when we did, we experienced utter joy. I didn’t realize how pertinent that idea was to my situation until recently, but what I came to realize from that was that when you let go of any negative feelings you have and continue on with your life, you will be truly happy.
I went through a lot of very high highs and very low lows at SUNIA, but at the end of the day, I came back feeling a perfect balance of both. Rather than only focusing on the negatives of my situation, I was able to think about the bigger picture. It takes time to mend, and I accept that I am still on the journey to being completely okay again. But that’s also okay. Being at SUNIA helped me realize things that would’ve taken me much longer to realize on my own, and set me up to heal in a way that was positive. Everything at SUNIA was designed to be a lesson, and I am so grateful for that because I was able to learn so much. But going into SUNIA in the circumstances I was in taught me even more about myself and life in general. I learned things that week that I don’t ever want to forget.
I really have to thank everyone I met at SUNIA; they were able to teach me so much, and reminded me of the importance genuine human connections. In other words, as cliche as it is, friendship. A special thanks to my Youth Are Awesome friends at SUNIA, Danielle and Richard, who consistently kept me company throughout the week (and Christiana!). To my cabin mates, who supported and understood me (SNUG <3). To the councilors, who were enthusiastic even when I found it hard to be and made everyone’s experience what it was. To the Goldeye staff, who put up with finding cups and dinner knives behind couches and our rowdiness. And finally, thanks to Jacky and Matthias from the UN, who taught me so much about bureaucracy and life, and helped me see beyond my situation now. I really am lucky.
To find more about SUNIA, visit their website here: http://www.sunia.ca/
All thoughts are my own