I am my biggest enemy.
This is a simple truth that applies to every man or women, girl or boy, senior or youth, who has ever lost to self-doubt in any way, shape or form. A lot of the time it is subconscious, we don’t even realize we are hating on ourselves because it has basically become apart of the way we think. But rather than blaming society for self-hate, I blame myself for not being self-aware. Lately, I’ve been more aware of my own actions, listening in on my own thoughts, and readjusting my moral compass which brought me to the realization that most of my pain and suffering is controllable. That suffering and pain is a result of my ego in its highest and most dominating form. Rather than living a life full of fake pride and insecurity, I now choose to live a life of humility and befriend myself instead of allowing my ego to take over and ruin a life full of happiness in my reach.
I choose to be happy by being my own friend.
A simple choice, to respect my self is how it all started, sooner than later I began feeling happier and more in control of my own life which resulted in massive changes in both my spiritual and “material” life. My heart felt enlightened and my soul more peaceful just a few of the many wondrous affects befriending yourself has on you mentally and physically. But why and how does befriending yourself do any you any good?
Well firstly, you begin to savour your own company and enjoy time alone to reflect, contemplate, and learn more about who you are at the core of you being. For me, I began meditating and journalling religiously which has allowed me to reach new insights about life and about how intricately beautiful I am as an individual. I began to realize the importance of respecting myself and realizing that my thoughts and ideas are valuable. By meditating and journalling, I created a platform of which I was able to open myself up to becoming more self-aware of my own emotions and thoughts and the roots from which they’ve spout.
After deep contemplation I’ve also learned that I don’t need a “lover” or a relationship to feel complete. I am whole in myself. I, like many other teenagers out there, used to always imagine what it would be like to have someone special in my life and used to daydream about how perfect life would be. As ridiculous as this sounds whenever I was out travelling I always held onto a shred of hope that I’d run into my own “Prince Charming.” (Obviously I was watching too many romantic movies for my own good) However after befriending myself and really assessing my needs for real, I came to the conclusion that it’s not a romantic love I need right now, it is self-love that my heart craves for. I realized that I don’t need a guy to set my life straight for me, I need a pen, a planner, and ambition.
Speaking about ambition, I’ve regained a sense of direction. I have began setting goals for myself and meeting them regularly, this has allowed me to really grow more as an individual and learn how to sustain a motivated and inspired attitude. I feel as though goal setting has really given me a boost to achieve greatness rather than mediocrity. I have found that my rate of growth as a student, an employee, a friend, a sister, etc has increased exponentially this summer because I am listening to my heart, my thoughts, and filling my ego with humility. I am beginning to understand what it really is that my heart and mind aspire to achieve and running after those dreams like a tiger after his prey.
And lastly, befriending myself has given me the most beautiful gift of all time, confidence. Confidence to take risks. Confidence to have difficult conversations with others and myself. Confidence to fess up to my flaws and embrace my insecurities. Confidence to be content with who I am. I have spent countless hours alone just have conversations with myself about why I feel the way I do, why I want to go where I do, why I matter and why I was wrong… all very ego “wounding” topics in one way or another. But being able to talk to myself and understand why I think the way I have has allowed me to find and create myself to be the kind of individual I see myself as.
I’m embracing the changes in my life.
These changes, this new perspective, a shift in my mentality has allowed me to be happier. Loving, respecting, and caring for myself has given me the ability to see the change within myself that I have been longing for. I am no longer wishing for change to occur, I am making it happen. If we sit and wait life will just fly by us. I’m not immortal, I have a definite amount of years of which I get to live, I am choosing not to waste it by being my own friend. I am no longer my own foe and I am embracing me because I get to live with myself for the rest of my life.
-Infinite Love and Gratitude,
Malika