Recent events have left me questioning my life. What am I doing here? What is my ultimate purpose? What is the purpose of the universe? If I were to leave this world right now, would I have any regrets? Am I simply a figment of my own imagination? I believe that I’ve isolated the two main occurrences that have led me to this self-evaluation, if you will.
First of all, I had a dream the other night (Oh yeah, I’m going there.) in which I was at this strange party of sorts with all of my friends and family. Among others, I saw a close friend of mine whom I have not gotten to see for many months. This person is someone who inspires me to be better every day and helps me to evaluate my choices more carefully. My dream was so realistic that I woke up in a bit of a confused daze. Did this really happen? Upon realization that it was indeed only a figment of my imagination, I got to wondering, “What if that had actually happened? Am I happy with the choices I have made up to this point? What would I say?” This may seem disjointed to many of you, but I felt this odd connection to my subconscious that made me yearn for something like what had taken place in my dream to happen.
Secondly, on the my way to school this morning, I had a near-death experience. I was walking to school from Heritage Station with
my best friend when we had to stop and wait for the northbound train to pass. I waited until I thought it was clear to cross, not noticing that there was a southbound train coming at the same time. I started walking when I felt an arm thrust across my stomach. My friend had pulled me back away from the tracks a mere second before I would have been hit. If I had walked five more feet, I would be dead. The shock of nearly getting hit by a train only added to my confusion.
So here I sit at my kitchen table, mulling over what is, what could have been and what is to be. I can now see from experience how delicate and expendable life is. All the decisions I have ever made have led up to this moment. Where would I be if I had done even one seemingly insignificant thing differently? Being a teenager still partaking in the process of self-discovery, these last few days have done nothing except add to my confusion about the universe. Perhaps something will happen to illuminate my vision, but until such a time, I remain here, tangled in a web of the unknown.