I have asked myself this question multiple times unable to really find the answer….does forgiving mean forgetting everything? Does forgiving someone make their behaviours okay? If I forgive someone does it mean that I am not standing by what I believe in? Will I have to go back to stage one? Whether it is with a friend, family member or complete stranger forgiveness is not easily handed out, in fact more people would rather hold on to a grudge than to confront conflict and solve the issue.
In my case something quite similar happened- I was stuck between forgiveness and the rage of my emotions. I couldn’t find a way to let go. I threw away all the memories and lost connection with this person- yet I still felt the pain and torment of those horrible memories. But why? I had repeatedly told myself to get over it, to move on, that my life was better off this way…but what was holding me back? I gave the “conflict” high importance in my life and constantly thought of the issue, but what I didn’t realize was I hadn’t let go- I was still holding on to those horrid memories, in hope of one day receiving the opportunity to express my feelings. Was that important? Would the other party understand, at the age of fourteen who can understand? All it would do is create a bigger issue, start gossip, and take a mental toll on my health. I was tired of being thrown around from corner to corner by my feelings and had to put a stop to it, so I decided to FORGIVE who had hurt me.
Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is just letting go and not letting the issue have any control of your emotions and choices. But that doesn’t make what others did acceptable, it just means that you aren’t going to let the past get in the way of your bright and shining future. It means setting boundaries, so you do not get hurt again.
Once I forgave “her/him” I felt a great sense of relief blow over me, I began to take the wheel and control my life- not allowing others to have such an affect over me. I was able to refocus that lost energy on my own dreams, desires, and goals. For an example, I have started training for Ringette, joined a Salsa class, and I am learning new songs on my piano everyday. It is amazing how much time we spend holding onto the past, when instead we could use that energy to fulfill our dreams and live life to the fullest. We don’t even know if we have a tomorrow, so why waste it thinking about yesterday. Smile, laugh a little more, and do things you love doing. You are valuable and so is time, don’t waste it- enjoy it! Forgive those who have hurt you, because you will be the one benefiting from it. Don’t allow anyone have the power to decrease your self-esteem. You are in control.
“The best way to escape from the past is not to avoid it or forget it, but to accept and forgive it.” ~Moonlight Path Tumblr
(Thanks to Alison Springer for her inspiring advice! <3)
XX,
-Malika