“Inside every cynical individual is a disappointed idealist.” —George Carlin
It really is disappointing when you can’t trust those around you. But the truth is, people lie. Whether it serves self-interest or just erupts from impulse, it’s difficult to take back a lie once it has been spoken.
Although lying might not always be a guiltless, easy task, being at the receiving end of a lie isn’t fun either. There’s no reason to complicate your side of the story simply due to the mistake of someone else.
Everything would be easier if we could tell when a person is lying. Liars don’t always walk around with a neon sign on their heads, but that doesn’t mean you can’t spot them. Just as with most skills, liars get better with practice. Their lies become more strung together, they become calmer and confident, they develop the ability to improvise, etc. But there are some unconscious signals that a people send amidst deceit. This is the beauty of body language, physical signals that are barely voluntary but demonstrates what’s really going on in our heads. If we can grasp what they are, then we’ll be able to beat the liars at their own game!
Signs you’re talking to a liar:
1) Wide eyes: When people lie, their first priority is to make you believe what they’re saying. Wide eyes are perceived as innocent and truthful; but when the speaker constantly bugs out his eyes at you, it shows he’s trying a little too hard to gain your trust.
2) Lack of eye contact: I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Studies show that liars experience more guilt and uncertainty when they feel they’re being watched. Even if the eyes watching them come from photos or well-drawn pictures. Liars (or at least bad liars) will look in every direction except to your eyes. They especially like looking at the upper left corner (or upper right from your perspective) since that action allows them to access the part of the brain that controls imagination. Someone who’s trying to remember something, on the other hand, may look to the upper right corner (or upper left from your perspective) since it allows access to the part of the brain that controls memories. (Some good liars will lock on to your eyes and refuse to look away, so watch for adequate eye contact, not too little, not too much.)
3) Comfort Touches: This demonstrates regression, a type of defense mechanism. Regression states that when a person feels threatened, anxious, or guilty, they tend to act younger. Liars sometimes show the inability of a child to control himself from comfort touches. Self-touches on the earlobes, next to the eyes or mouth indicates the individual is trying to convince themselves that they ‘see no evil, hear no evil and spoke no evil’.
4) Excessive/absence of blinking: Pay attention to the frequency your speaker is blinking at. Blinking is a way for the liar to condition his thoughts and organize/remember his story. A good liar will be attentive to his blinking rate, which might lead to lack of blinking.
5) Micro expressions: This indicates to slight flutters of the corners of the mouth, wrinkling of the nose, inconspicuous muscle tensing or wandering eyes. These signs could reveal how the person really feels.
6) Pupils: Did you know that lying could trigger the fight-or-flight response? How does this affect a person’s eyes? Well, when adrenaline is released into the bloodstream, our pupils dilate so that our vision is more focused. Watch out for story tellers with marble eyes.
7) Flushing: This is an easy one, and it’s mostly used to identify a bad liar. Someone who can’t string together his story will flush with anxiety and guilt.
8) Crossing of the arms: This is a form of defensive body language. When someone crosses their arms at you, they are putting a physical and mental barrier between the two of you. Now, why would an honest person need to feel defensive?
9) Tense limbs: When people lie, most of their attention is directed to making their story sound more believable. Sometimes they’re so concentrated on lying that they forget to relax the rest of their body. Have you ever noticed that when you suddenly remember something while eating, your hands freeze, carrying whatever utensil you were using at the time. Same thing goes for liars, look for arms and legs held in awkward positions, half open mouths of squinted eyes.
10) Overreaction: When you question his story, how does the speaker react? Does he absolutely flip out and accuse you of not trusting him? This could be a tactical diversion to keep you from closing in on the truth.
For more information on how to spot a liar, you can click here.