I love Disney! Even if they don’t really emulate real life situations, they make for really nice references about love and romance. And it’s nice to take a break from watching action movies, and just watch a good (even cheesy) romantic film. Oh, and if awesome cinematography and animation is included, then all the better to watch! We’re aware of the lessons that Disney is trying to show us, but as we grow up we get a bigger picture of what Disney really wanted to teach us. Here is a compiled list of the supposed and interpreted lessons of a variety of Disney movies.
Warning: The following is completely sarcastic and might be offensive to Disney fans. Sorry, but reality’s gotta hit you some time!
Note: Inspired by articles on Cracked.com (disclaimer: there’s some crude language and content on the site)
10. Sleeping Beauty
Ah yes, Sleeping Beauty. A timeless classic where an uninvited guest comes and puts a curse on the princess! What happened to the security around the castle? And all that the fairies can do is make sure that she falls asleep instead of dying. I don’t know, if the fairies have enough power to change the color of a dress (blue… red… blue, so indecisive!) then I’m pretty sure they have enough power to dis-spell Magnificent’s curse.
And on top of that, Aurora ends up being stalked in the forest while singing her tune. Sure, that might seem sweet to some people…but I would be truly creeped out! And it’s nice that he killed the dragon and saved her life, but the two were never formally on a date. Just saying!
The Supposed Lesson: True love can break any spell
The Interpreted Lesson: Marry the first guy who saves (but stalked) you!
9. Snow White
You can never forget that pretty face with “skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony,” can you? Well, the Queen definitely can’t. She basically holds a grudge against a little kid (in the original tale, Snow White’s a small kid of around 7-10) and wants to, well, kill her. And so Snow White hides in the woods where she crashes into a strangers’ house and forces the woodland creatures to do her chores. Erm. That’s nice of them.
But you know the rest of the story! She listens to an old, untrustworthy hag and eats an apple that she has no idea where it came from. Delightful! And to finish it off, she wakes up from a kiss. Awwww. I’m going to forget about the same argument I used for Sleeping Beauty and add a new one. Oh, silly Disney Princesses.
The Supposed Lesson: Everyone is good, trustworthy and hospitable.
The Interpreted Lesson: It’s okay to trust a gang of men, listen to strangers and eat food that came from a basket…someone’s bound to put you in a glass coffin and save you!
8. Cinderella
Cinderella is forced to do all the chores by her cruel stepmother. And instead of defending herself and doing something about her situation, she befriends little creatures who dress her after a shower. Creepy. Okay, but then the Prince decides to hold a ball and again, Cinderella’s wicked stepmother forbids her from doing… anything. And of course, her stepsisters don’t care about Cinderella and treat her like scum.
But it’s okay, because Cinderella sings “No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, a dream that you wish will come true.” Because ultimately, all your dreams come true if you just believe. You don’t need to work at it as long as you have a fairy godmother to save you from your tears! So instead of doing something about her stepmother, she just sits there and wishes. And she gets a Prince along with it. What is the Disney universe coming to?!
The Supposed Lesson: Dreams really do come true.
The Interpreted Lesson: If you’re patient enough and you do nothing about your current situation, magical things will happen to you and you’ll get everything that you ever wanted! No strings attached, no work needed. Nothing!
7. Beauty and the Beast
Poor Belle. She’s so smart and intelligent, yet everyone, including the town hunk Gaston, makes fun of her book worm status. It seems that Belle attracts jerks, because her father gets taken by the Beast! And in return for his safety is hers–nothing says love at first sight like a good house arrest.
But you can’t be too hard on the Beast. After all, he told a lady to bugger off his property and turns into something handsome to a hideous beast. I don’t know, I guess I would be easily angered if my servants were talking household objects. But naturally, Belle sees through all of the problems that the Beast has and falls in love.
D’aw. And to top it off, he turns into a really dreamy Prince! Awesome. I guess we’ve forgotten how mean the Beast can be. Ignore all the times that he snapped at her for no reason, and the moments where he snarled and almost wanted to attack Belle. No, no, because the biggest moral of the story is love a man for what he is inside, not for what he looks like. But what if he’s hideous on the inside as well? Oh well, can’t be a hypocrite towards the kiddies!
The Supposed Lesson: Don’t judge someone based off their looks; treat everyone with kindness.
The Interpreted Lesson: Ignore all the pain and abuse at the beginning of every relationship. He’ll get better, nicer and more loving. Just remember that he hates hair, especially all around his body…and he’s very defensive. But it’s okay, because as long as he transforms physically, his heart would have grown emotionally!
6. Pocahontas
At the beginning of Pocahontas, the main character had the right idea: don’t trust the Europeans. And what do you know? She falls in love with one of them! And then they end up ‘accidentally’ killing one of her own people. And they easily forgive them, because Pocahontas loves one of them. Aw, how sweet.
However, Disney forgot about one important thing: history did not show that the natives and the Europeans got along quite nicely. In fact, terrible things have happened and if you haven’t learned what they’ve done in Social yet, then I suggest that you watch this while you still have an optimistic outlook.
And then, Pocahontas decides that she needs a sequel and goes to England to forget about John Smith (spoiler alert: he dies) and falls in love with another John–John Rolfe. I’m not going to talk about this anymore because the sequel was so… indescribable.
The Supposed Lesson: People can have a change of heart, that’s how society progresses.
The Interpreted Lesson: Trust a small group of people who totally have enough power to change everyone’s mind at home. They won’t try to convert you to their culture because they think you’re savages or anything.
I decided that splitting up these lessons would encourage you to take a break from the computer screen. Tomorrow, we’ll post part two of this list!