When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.
– Patrick Rothfuss, from “The Name of the Wind”
Do you wish you could return back to childhood?
There are times when I wish I could return back to childhood. One of the greatest gifts as a child is to see the world for all its colorful vibrancy. They feel everything so fully and purely. When they’re happy, their faces will scrunch up into the perfect image of joy. You can’t help but smile a bit as well. I suppose that’s why we feel drawn to newborns. It is a way for us to reconnect with our inner child. They are seeing everything for the first time in all its awe and beauty, while we’ve grown accustomed and it seems like nothing special.
I remember a time I was on the c-train and I saw a mother with her daughter sitting by the window. The child pointed her finger out the window and exclaimed, “Look mommy, clouds!” She patted her mother excitedly, urging her to look too. The mother glanced out briefly before returning back to her thoughts. She murmured a “Yeah, it is” with fake enthusiasm. The type of enthusiasm that you give to a child to play along with them, but that you don’t really feel yourself.
Again, the child patted her arm and this time she cried out, “Look! The sky!” The mother didn’t reply. However, that didn’t stop the girl from listing more objects that we consider “ordinary” or “mundane.” This young girl had this energy and curiosity that we all once had. Even the most ordinary thing is extraordinary depending on the eye of the beholder.
When I saw this scene, I felt like the mother. I feel old. Somewhere along the way, my inner flame dimmed. I started to see both sides of the world, not just the good. Even though I gained wisdom, I slowly got tired – worn out. That is the trade-off of growing up. You gain more knowledge of the world at the sacrifice of innocence. You become more mature, but that comes with a sort of bittersweet nostalgia. You no longer see the world through rose-colored glasses, but instead you see it as a place where everyone is always fighting their inner demons. Dreams get tempered with practicality. There is no guarantee of a happily ever after. So I can understand the desire to return back to a simpler life, where one can live in the bliss of ignorance, but life doesn’t work that way.
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
– Robert Frost
Should we be afraid of change?
The truth is, whether or not you’re ready to grow up, it’ll still happen. Time will keep pushing you forwards and all you can do is adjust your attitude. Our existence is marked by continual change and impermanence. Life is really just a series of temporary experiences rather than anything concrete. Perhaps it is relieving to know that all the pain and worries you face will come to pass. Maybe it is distressing to know that the happy moments in your life will also fade away in the endless flow of things. Try as you might to suspend time and live in a perfect moment forever, the present will eventually become mere memories.
As I was in my final year of junior high, I remember going to visit my elementary school that had housed me for seven years. I wasn’t there to see anyone in particular, and besides it was afterschool, so everyone had left already. I roamed around on the playground, as if reliving the times running around playing tag and swinging on the monkey bars. Many of my recesses were spent this way, but now everything felt different. I had grown older and I realized how small and barren everything was. As I stared at the school walls, I tried to recall the names of teachers, the fun and embarrassing times I had, but I realized that I could barely remember. They were only faint memories. They seemed incomparable with what I had learned and how I had changed in junior high.
Now, as I approach my final year of high school, I look back on junior high the same way. I have experienced so much in high school that junior high seems distant, even though it hasn’t been many years. My experiences in junior high are a vague jumble of memories, brief snapshots from the hundreds of hours I spent there. I remember the first time I visited my junior high after I had graduated, I knew things had changed. Everything was the same physically, but the hallways felt smaller and the classrooms felt somehow different than when I had been there. I saw the familiar faces of teachers and we chatted like old times. However, I knew in the back of my mind that it would never be the same as when I used to be in their class.
After I graduated from junior high, everyone went their separate ways. People moved to different cities, headed off to different high schools, and pursued their own interests. Some friendships faded, while others strengthened. For now, high school provides a sort of temporary stasis of time. There is a structured routine to how things work. It’s the same familiar friends and teachers each day. The classrooms and hallways feel welcoming, almost like a second home. However, I already know that once I graduate from high school, the same process of change will happen again.
Change is bittersweet.
The truth is, part of me is every age. I’m a three-year-old, I’m a five-year-old, I’m a thirty-seven-year-old, I’m a fifty-year-old. I’ve been through all of them, and I know what it’s like. I delight in being a child when it’s appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man when it’s appropriate to be a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age, up to my own. Do you understand?
– Morrie Schwartz, from “Tuesdays with Morrie”
Should we be afraid of aging?
According to Morrie Schwartz, we should embrace aging and I have to agree. Aging is not decay, but growth. It is easy to view aging in a negative context. The simplicity of childhood is replaced with teenage angst and eventually the responsibilities of adulthood. It also means a gradual deterioration of your physical and mental health. However, it can be framed in a better light. A part of you is every age. There are times it’s appropriate to let your inner child shine. There are other times when you have be more mature. Growing up doesn’t mean losing who you once were, but rather, you add on to it.
Life is like the rings of a tree trunk. Your childhood forms the core of your identity. It is the starting point for developing the morals and virtues that you will carry throughout your life. With each year, a new ring is added. Some years, the sunshine and rain will be plenty, and you will grow lots. Other years, there will be droughts and you only grow a bit. It is inevitable that cracks form along the way, but it doesn’t stop you from growing a bit each year. It may not feel the same as when you first sprouted out of the soil and experienced the warmth of life for the first time. However, it is through the passage of time that you grow stronger and taller, being able to weather the storms easier. Your branches reach higher into the sky than ever. As you take all of it in, you find that the air up there is filled with an electrifying energy, the energy of potential.
When you ask a Grade 12 student how they feel about graduating, the common response is a mixture of excitement for the what the future holds and sadness about how things will change. Although life may seemingly get more complex as you grow up, there is also much greater potential with where you can go. Trying to remain a child or teenager forever means you’ll only ever experience a fraction of what life has to offer. There are many challenges and obstacles to come, but also many rewards and wisdom to gain.
There is a sense of excitement about getting your own car, getting a job, buying your own house and raising a family. There is excitement about studying in university, to be in an environment of like-minded individuals and have the chance to make new friends. There is excitement to find that one place where everything clicks together perfectly and you realize that you’re finally where you wanted to be. The freedom of childhood that you lost is replaced with a new kind of freedom – the freedom of adulthood. It is the freedom of flying the nest and finding your way in the vast world.