Recently, at the end of August of last year, I moved from Edmonton to Calgary. Now this was not my first rodeo as I haven’t really lived in the same place for more than three years of my life. I was born in New Delhi, and then I moved to Houston, then to San Francisco, then Calgary, then Edmonton, and now, back to Calgary. I’ve kind of gotten to a point where it really shouldn’t be a big deal any more and to be quite honest, it isn’t. However, all of the new schools, friends I had moved on from, various houses, all of my past experiences in general, didn’t quite seem to prepare me for this most recent move, and I was quite surprised by how much of an impact it had on me. When I sat down to think about why this was, and how something I used to know like the back of my hand had suddenly become foreign to me, it all seemed to make sense.
I had moved to Edmonton at the innocent little age of 12, terribly nervous, but at the same time, excited for this new and unfamiliar concept of junior high. I was unsure of what to expect what with all the crazy new things like lockers, change rooms, and options, yet I was still optimistic for what was to become of the next three years of my life. To me, junior high seemed like a fresh start. Although most people probably already had friend groups and cliques from previous schools, junior high would still be a new experience for everyone, and the idea of not being the only one on uncharted territories seemed quite comforting to me. With all this in mind, I entered Riverbend Junior High in September 2013, and hoped for the best. Turns out, I was right, for the most part. Everything turned out just fine. In fact, better than fine. By grade 9, I had scoped out a general idea of what I was passionate about, formed an amazing and supportive group of friends, and grown so much as a person. I was the happiest I had been in years.
Then, when my parents broke the news, I was devastated. I didn’t know how to cope or deal with my feelings. The entire summer, I tried to savour every last second of the time I got to spend with my friends, see and experience parts of the city that I hadn’t before, and continually ponder, what made this one different?
Then the time finally came, we said our goodbyes, packed up the last three years of our lives, and hit the road once more. On that drive to Calgary, I finally was able to pinpoint why I was unable to move on without a second thought, and that was simply that I had changed so much in Edmonton and experienced so many new things that it was just something that was harder to let go of, but I accepted it, and allowed myself to feel the nostalgia and bittersweet emotions that come with the end of an era in our lives.
We arrived in Calgary exactly one day before the first day of school. The beginning of high school was quite a ride. For the first two months I was completely and utterly overwhelmed. Like many others, junior high had not prepared me for the work load that high school had to offer, and it certainly didn’t help that my first semester included three core subjects. Additionally, participating in the IB program at my school required me to take a course called math candidate (aka the violent downfall of Dhriti Gupta) in order to be eligible for the program. Now, despite the many Indian stereotypes out there, I do not like math. I don’t like it, I’m not good at it, and I never have been, so as you can imagine, being thrown into an accelerated pre-IB course was not a fun time for me. With math candidate, I began to get some marks that I really was not used to, and that hit me pretty hard.
I was completely convinced that IB was not the place for me, and if it wasn’t for the unwavering support from my parents and teachers through all my struggles and tears, I would have dropped the course. Thankfully, I didn’t and I passed the course with a grade much, much higher than I thought I could ever achieve. However, that improvement and success didn’t come till later in the year, and my social life wasn’t faring much better. You may think that coming back to a school full of old friends from elementary must not be that bad, and now I can confidently tell you that you’re perfectly correct, it’s not so bad at all, however, at the time, it was like a living nightmare to me. I was so utterly terrified of what my past school mates might think of me now, that I didn’t even try to interact. However, it turned out that generally, no one really cares. The few people who did recognize me have been incredibly kind and not judgmental in any way.
Once I realized this, things started to look up. My grades improved, I made a couple friends, my stress levels went down, and the fear and anxiety that came with the beginning of high school began to wear off. Now here I am today, 3/4 done my first year in high school, and despite the time seeming to have flown by and all the new experiences I have been involved in the past year, I feel as though I am now at a bit of a standstill. I know it seems ridiculous, and it’s probably not quite the happy ending you were expecting from this article, but I feel like that’s just part of real life. I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy, because I’m really not. I’ve made great friends, I’ve learned how to deal with academic stress, and nothing is really wrong with my life right now. I just feel as though I have been in a bit of a slump ever since semester two started, and with only having one core a day, and for the most part, no regular extra curricular activities (outside of Youth Are Awesome, of course), I just have so much time to think and what I’ve realized is that unconsciously, I’ve kind of been comparing my life to how it used to be and often missing things I never even had. I feel like we all have these expectations and ideas of what we want our life to look like, and what we can actually achieve, and both those sides of the spectrum seem to be able to bring us down. Currently, that’s what seems to be happening to me, and I think I have just been waiting for good things to come to me without actually making a conscious effort to make them a reality.
Now, this is not my way of turning this into some whole spiel about unwavering positivity and how you have to always fight to make your dreams come true. It’s good to be aware of your emotions, whether they be good or bad ones, and just pushing them to the side and not acknowledging their existence will not eradicate them completely. I just wanted to share my thoughts and how I’m feeling so that if there is anyone out there who perhaps feels the same way, they know they’re not alone. I think sometimes, despite the actual conditions of our lives, we all get into a bit of a rut and let our emotions get the best of us, and that’s completely okay. Times like this don’t last forever and however cheesy it may sound, things do get better, so to anyone who’s not quite sure why you’re feeling the way you do, don’t worry. You’re not alone in this boat, and I’m sure with time, you will figure it all out.
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