It’s real.
I used to laugh at upper years who had told me that after you get accepted into university, and shortly before IB exams/ diplomas and impending doom, high school seniors will lose their motivation. I will find I cannot study as well as I used to, they said, and I will also be okay with excusing it on the basis that all I need at that point is to pass, since I’ve already made it into uni. By mid-April of Grade 12, it is apparently normal for the exhaustion of the last couple years to catch up with high school students. I laughed so much at that, and I really was sure that I would never succumb to such a weakness- after all, even if I technically don’t need the marks to get into uni, I need them to fulfill my own sense of pride.
But curse my luck, I’m beginning to feel it. I haven’t lost all motivation- my pride is important to me, and though it may not be great, I care about getting high marks in everything- but I’ve been finding my working habits are a little lacking lately. I’ll go home after school, waste a couple of hours settling in and getting a snack, and just when I’ve start working, I’ll remember some urgent and time-consuming task I have to do right then. Then I’ll get sidetracked with dinner, and by the time I’ve finished taking my time in the kitchen and wrapped up all my long-winded conversations with everyone in my household, it’s 8:30pm. And I’ve done nothing. So I start… but I need tea, gotta waste 20 minutes getting that… and the time quickly hits 10:00, at which point I begin to think about work I cannot finish unless I sleep late. I decide that I ought to start being good to myself and prioritize sleep, so I’ll leave my work for the next morning. I stop working with the intent of going to bed early, but somehow I manage to waste time doing who knows what and go to bed at 11:00 at the earliest, only to wake up at 5:30 the next morning, exhausted for nothing.
…yeah, not what you’d call the best use of time… and though such bouts of un-productivity did happen occasionally in the past, I’ve been finding this sort of thing happens more and more often these days. And what’s scary is, there are times- more than I care to admit- that I’m actually okay with it. The arguments about my not needing anything more than to pass really do start to seem valid when I’m sitting at my desk, trying not to look at the half-written essay calling me… High school begins to seem less important than university, which is a thing of the future, and I think about how hard I will have to work then. Right now, all I need to do is enjoy life until uni hits and I die, right? Wait- NO. Wrong. I can’t expect to do well later if I can’t bring myself to do my best now …I keep telling myself that, and I do believe it, but there is a part of me that is also okay with my relaxing a bit more than I perhaps ought to, taking things a little more calmly and not being so paranoid about being perfect in everything.
Ah, senioritis. Just like my experiences with procrastination, I really did think you wouldn’t bother me… And you don’t. I won’t let you. I cannot allow you to take over. I will defeat you.
(do I sound convincing yet?)
It’s kind of nice to know I’m not the only one suffering from this affliction, but at the same time, seeing how my peers are also getting tired is a bit saddening. I suppose it is times like these that we really do need to sort out our priorities, and decide for ourselves what our motivation is to maintain effort in our classes by the end of the year.
Do we want to do well for our own sake? Do we need high marks to feel good? Or, do we want high marks to attest to the great things we have learned and achieved in high school? Is it a pity to let ourselves go now, to allow ourselves to develop this habit of stopping our efforts when we have reached our goals? Is there nothing else to gain or achieve by learning to maintain an effort even after it seems like we don’t need to? Or would that be pushing ourselves too much? Do we deserve a break? But isn’t there one coming, after we’ve actually finished high school? What do we hope to gain by either pushing hard until the end, or loosening up our efforts a bit?
Actually, there is another important point to consider- scholarships still haven’t come out, and considering how my friends and I are always complaining about university tuition, a couple of those would be nice. Well, gotta maintain high marks, then.
Thus far, all I’ve considered is the motivation to maintain an effort in our classes. But it’s wonderful that in the society we live in, marks aren’t everything, and each of us has many involvements besides school that we have also worked at for these last couple years. Unfortunately, motivation in those can also be hit by this ‘ailment of all ailments’ senioritis, and we have to be aware of how our performance in each of those can be affected by this attitude of ‘eh, doesn’t matter’ that it encourages.
The reality is, we cannot allow ourselves to succumb to senioritis. Rather than allowing it to defeat us, we have to take a step back, realize what we hope to accomplish by the end of high school, and pursue that. Whether it be high marks or even something else at this point, each of us still has something to work for, so we might as well find out what it is we want to do and give it our all!
I suppose everyone’s priorities now are different, but personally, I find that I really do still care to maintain high marks. My pride, if anything, cannot be damaged at this point, and I like the idea of going into university knowing I did my best until the end of high school, and will be able to maintain that sort of discipline in university. Furthermore, I want scholarships… and honestly, I want the learning. My classes have taught me so much in a variety of fields, and now that I’m actually feeling a lot more decent about writing English essays, for example, why wouldn’t I want to finish my year with the best marks to attest to that? …so stop slacking, me! Knowing what I want is half the battle- I know I want to maintain my marks, but I actually have to do it now. Hence, a need to tighten up my discipline, and give it my all in the last couple months of school. Senioritis is an affliction I will have to defeat to reach my goals, the final obstacle in my way (apart from IB exams and diplomas 🙁 ). I really do hope I can maintain such an effort, given my failure to do so lately.
As for you other seniors out there, be sure to think about what it is you want, and ensure your actions align with your goals. If you want to end strong in school, don’t stop your effort now. Whatever your goal is, be sure to do something to pursue it and don’t stop the effort to do something useful for your future now- we only have so much time until the future becomes present, after all.
That being said, I ask you to also be considerate before succumbing to the temptation to loosen your efforts in class. You’ve worked to improve your marks, you’ve proved you can do it- so why not maintain them? You have braved most of high school, accomplished much during your time here, and you are ready to move on to greater things. Let it not become your habit to drop things before you’re finished; rather, keep going strong until the end. I know you can, and I know I can too, so let’s finish this year on a strong note together! And here’s to greater things later on 🙂 .