So as I’ve already blogged, I went to Vancouver to see my favourite Kpop band, EXO, during the long weekend.
It was just AMAZING. There are not enough words in the total of 1,025,109 English words for me to describe how awesome it was.
I was in the GA, a.k.a. the pit, and the 2000 people in the standing area were pushing so much that more than 50 people were sent away on ambulances. (Crazy, I know). I found out from a girl I met while waiting in line that the tickets were sold out in approximately 30 minutes after it was opened. (Again, crazy, I know).
One thing that really surprised me was how well they performed – no wrong notes, lyrics, etc. and how they looked exactly like how they look on screen. I felt like I was just watching a YouTube video or something.
My bias member of the 9 boys is Sehun, so enjoy a direct footage I filmed of him at the concert:
While there are so many more moments and stories I would love to share, I want to treasure these memories in my mind, so I won’t be talking about them all here. (Besides, you’ll think I’m insane if you do hear everything that I have to say).
More than 2 weeks have passed since the concert, and here I am still trapped in that day. Sometimes I randomly get flashbacks from the concert: the people, the lights, the music, just everything. But then after these leave, I am left with an emptiness. I don’t know what to do with it.
So here we go: How I am Dealing with PCD
Just as soldiers and victims of an accident suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), fangirls suffer from Post Concert Depression (PCD).
The symptoms are similar: flashbacks, unable to stop thinking about it, constant crying whenever something reminds me of the concert, etc.
The persistence of this disorder varies from person to person. For me, it’s been 2 weeks, but I’m still wearing my wristband and it will stay on my wrist for the foreseeable future.
I sincerely hope I’m not the only one, but I am struggling between sharing my experience with others and keeping it to myself. On the one hand, I would love to brag and show off how amazing the performances were. At the same time, though, my footages feature a screaming while crying me trying to sing along to all the songs. (Embarrassing, I know). Do I show that or no?
There’s also the custom-order shirt a group of fans, including myself, bought for this concert. I am struggling between wearing that out to public to show it off and tell everyone how the concert was, and reminding myself about the concert and risking crying in public. (You never know, fans get extremely emotional when having PCD).
Everything just becomes a struggle. Do I want to open the merchandise I bought there? Or do I want to keep it safe and clean in its original package? Do I want to put up the banners I got? Or will I cry if I see it? I don’t have any more storage on my phone, should I move all the videos and pictures to my laptop and erase them on my phone? Or should I keep it forever and ever?
And the list goes on.
And so does life. To others, the concert was just something in the past. But to me, it remains, I can feel, hear, see, smell, and taste every bit of it. It’s still fresh in my mind.
Obviously, I’m still not over it.