As 2015 comes to a close, I decided to reflect on what I’ve learnt this year. I can’t say it’s been the best year ever, since the past 12 months have held lots of ups and downs, so I mean it when I say it was a rollercoaster. I did however meet so many new people who’ve really influenced me (I’m looking at you, my fellow YAA writers), I’ve learned new things and I’ve tried new things. This year has been a lot of trial and error for me and has thrown me a lot of curve balls to get past but I wouldn’t change any experience I’ve had this year. I believe in some way or another, they were essential to forming the person I am right now. So without further adieu, here are the things I learned in 2015. Thank you.
There’s no Harm in Going After What You Want
At the start of 2015, I was a bit of a mess. I was full of feelings and unrequited thoughts. I didn’t know how to deal with it so I either chose to ignore them or created bigger messes for myself. I’ll admit that a lot of decisions I make in my life are geared at making the least amount of consequences /or rejection for myself. As stated in a previous article, I kinda have an ego problem, and along with that is this massive fear of rejection and failure. With that in mind, I hope you won’t be surprised when I say that that kinda complicated my life a bit. I struggled a lot trying to make decisions because I constantly second guessed myself, wondering if this was a good choice or not, but I can say now that that fear was totally irrational. In life, you will face situations that will seem unlikely to be successful or beneficial, but if you really want it, go for it.
I remember staring at a draft in my inbox for a week in May, pondering whether or not joining YAA was a smart idea or not. I can’t remember what my reasons for that were, but they were bogus in the end. Nevertheless, I did send that email and this has been one of the best experiences I’ve had. I’ve started expressing myself way more this year, from blogging for YAA to posting poetry on my Instagram, and it’s been a positive experience. I didn’t know what to expect when I started to share my writing with family, peers and strangers, but it’s been such a rewarding experience. If you’re afraid to share what you’re into, that’s totally fine, but if you’re even considering sharing it, then that’s amazing! I don’t want anyone to find themselves in the spots I found myself this year with bogus excuses because the worst critic is yourself. A change of perspective is so important and refreshing because you could be judging yourself harshly when you don’t even realize it, so please don’t hesitate when it comes to expressing yourself or going after what you want.
[source]
It’s Okay to Change
I touched on this in a past article, but I really want to reiterate the message I was trying to get across. I’ve had so many experiences this year that have molded me into a new person. I was so so scared of changing when I just had to accept that change is natural. I spent too much time worrying about whether or not my friends would drop me for this new me when I should’ve put my energy and focus into other things that had more meaning in my life. I also had to adjust from my transition from Junior High to High School, which is a great deal at that, but on top of that I was transition from art centred-learning to normal school. Going to a school that had students going to 11 different High Schools was tough, and it was hard when I only knew 3 friends at my new school compared to the plenty of friends I had from grade 7-9. I’m still adapting to High School. It’s nerve-wracking and exciting wrapped into one, stressful present that you really don’t want to open but you have to anyways. And so if people ask me how I’ve been doing this year, I won’t say I’m great but I’m not doing terrible either. I’ve been adjusting left right and centre but I like who I am, what I’m doing, who I’ve surrounded myself with and I like what the future might have in store for me. Yeah change can kinda suck, but you have to take it like a pill. I’ve grown to like change more often than not, compared to my fear of it at the beginning of the year. I think a key to not being stressed about it, is to take it as it comes, which I’ve tried my best to do.
Aim for the Best
I spent a lot of time in 2015 putting up with stuff I don’t deserve. I endured name calling in Band from people who wanted nothing but to see me fail and put up with friends who relentlessly offended me (although I kept them around even though they were detrimental to my happiness). I always aim to be that friend who’s happy, friendly and even welcoming even when the skies are super grey and it feels like nothing good could ever possibly happen on a day with skies so dreary. I try to be happy because a lot of the time, my friends aren’t. I’ve developed a habit where I’ll push my own feelings aside for others, which is something I worked on changing this year. It came to a point where I just wasn’t valuing my own health and happiness as high as that of my friends. I then took it upon myself to get rid of those friends who were blocking me from succeeding and I started taking care of myself better. I’ll admit that I’ve begun to spiral as of late with the stress of school, but I put myself first. When times are tough, I remind myself that all my feelings and priorities are valid and that I shouldn’t be pushing them aside because a lot of my happiness is based on what matters most to me. I had to give myself a lot of mental pep talks this year and it’s seemed to help. To anyone who seems to be in the type of aforementioned predicament: You matter. Your feelings matter. Your priorities matter. You deserve the best and only the best, so please don’t settle for less than you deserve.
[source]
I’ve learned a lot of lessons but those seem to be the most important ones that I think about everyday. I’m constantly evolving, and I know 2016 will teach me so many more lessons, and that’s exciting. If you have anything to share, I’d love to hear what you’ve learned this year in the comments.
It’s been a good year. Here’s to another one!
Thumbnail [source]