This post might offend you. As I will crack many jokes about some highly privileged within our society. While the richer folk flash around their fancy new i-Products and electronic thingamabobs, I am still making my pre-paid phone calls on my unbreakable Nokia. But, really guys. They’re just jokes. 😉
LAWYER JOKES
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
There was a rich lawyer who lived on the top of a grand hill, on the very outskirts of a rural town. The charity workers had gone around and gotten a donation from every citizen – except for the lawyer. So, with great determination, they rang his doorbell. The lawyer answered the door.
He listened to their convincing plea, thought a bit, and said: “My mother is terminally ill. She has an extreme rare disease that’s putting her in excruciating pain. My brother can barely afford to put a roof over his head. My sister is in debt to her nose.”
The charity workers felt very sorry, and were about to leave, when the lawyer continued, “So, if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any money to you?”
Lawyers occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
– Winston Churchill
ENGINEERS
Q: How do you torture an engineer?
A: Tie him to a chair and slowly fold a map incorrectly in front of him.
A priest, a tax collector, and an engineer are sentenced to death by guillotine for their involvement in a plot against the government. The priest quivers in fear as the rope is release, but the knife refuses to fall. The crowd pronounces it as divine intervention, and he is free. Nobody liked the tax collector, so everyone was sure he would die. However, the blade fell short half way, and everyone decided that he must have done something redeeming enough to have been saved. He too was free. The engineer was last to die. Before the knife was going to fall, he took a look up at the guillotine, and said, “Hey guys! I see your problem!”
Q: How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?
A: He stares at your shoes instead of his own.
DOCTORS
A man went to the doctor and said that he hadn’t been feeling very well recently. The doctor examined the man, and prescribed three kinds of pills.
The doctor said, “Take the green one with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue one with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before bed, take the red one with another big glass of water.
The man, astounded that he had to take so much medicine, stammered, “Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?”
The doctor replied, “You aren’t drinking enough water.”
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor’s fashion?
The patient used it as a train ticket for two years. Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium. It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary. And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won a scholarship to Julliard.
Q: How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
A: You are fine. How am I?
And finally…
At a common friend’s party, a doctor, an engineer and a lawyer, all previously strangers, got into a discussion as to what was the oldest profession. The doctor claimed that it was medicine since when God took a rib from Adam to create a woman, and that this was clearly a medical function. The engineer piped up and said the doctor was wrong. Clearly when God created the world out of confusion and chaos, it was an engineering function. The lawyer smiled and said they were both wrong, and then asked, “Where do you think all of the chaos and confusion came from?”
I hope these made you laugh. They made me laugh!