As time progresses and we all suddenly find ourselves in high school or as adults, something that never changes is expectations. It seems as if they follow us everywhere, always lingering at the back of our heads as a quiet voice. Those expectations are set by ourselves or come from our parents, friends, teachers, and peers. At times they can be motivating, but I often find them to be stressful and difficult to deal with. Therefore, today I wanted to talk about how to manage expectations in order to deal with stress, a lack of motivation, and even burn-out.
Hear Yourself Out
I can say that we all set expectations for ourselves. It is part of being human. But, try to understand where these expectations stem from and why they are so important in your life. Is it academic-related or something more behavioural? Depending on your answer, your approach to dealing with those standards will also change. I know that many of my expectations in my life come from what I want from myself. But, I have learned that constantly demanding “perfection” from yourself becomes tiring and sucks out the joy from once-loved activities. Therefore, give yourself the chance to reflect and listen to your needs and wants. Ask yourself why you are setting such prospects for yourself. Is it to achieve your goals or something related to what others think about you? The psychological aspect of expectations suggests that setting expectations is related to gaining motivation to achieve success and limit confusion. We can establish low or high expectations for ourselves. For instance, I have a bad habit of having low expectations of getting a good grade after tests even if I have studied well to avoid the feeling of disappointment if I get a low mark in a situation I anticipated a higher one. I am trying to say that do not undermine your hard work and accomplishments by always being afraid of failure and disappointment. Just like many other things, expectations can be taken as helpful or negatively. But that choice is up to you.
Expectations Don’t Control You
The perception others have of an individual can pressure one to pursue tasks that are of no interest to them and consequently creates an endless cycle of stress and self-doubt. Thus, you must approach tasks in your life with the certainty that you enjoy them; instead of trying to hold up aspirations, others expect of you. From my personal experience, it is better to make your goals clear rather than deal with the regret that comes when you find yourself in activities and classes that you have no passion for. I understand that it is difficult to make your ideas and choices clear with parents and others. It can be nerve-racking when you are received with disappointment and confusion when communicating your thoughts and emotions. Facing adversity is common, so it is key to be prepared for facing difficult situations or adapting to unexpected situations. Moreover, it is a vital aspect of dealing with expectations in a personal and work setting.
Communicate
High expectations from family members and others can feel like burdens as you endlessly try to meet them. In situations where you feel as if you are not ready or need a break, be honest with yourself and others. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is realizing when you mentally cannot push yourself anymore and taking time to have a break. Reaching a breaking point should not be your reason to listen to your body, so stay in touch with your thoughts and emotions. Talking to trusted individuals and writing down and recording what you feel can help you figure out what you want and need. Furthermore, it can be a huge relief to get worries off your chest by just saying them aloud. Thus, communicating with your teachers, employers, and family is essential to managing expectations. Let them know of your boundaries and current plans. At first, being vulnerable is scary, but do not be afraid to tell the truth, and prioritize your well-being by asking for extra assistance. This may sound cliche, but communication is key!
A Shift in Perception
Prioritizing your health and safety is extremely important. From my personal experiences, I remember thinking it is more important that I finish an assignment instead of getting proper sleep or spending time with my family. Therefore, it is important to maintain a balance instead of having to sacrifice your well-being in pursuit of academic validation. However, staying dedicated and passionate about your projects is also just as important, so remember to keep an open mindset and stay positive regarding any challenges along the way. To achieve a healthy work and life balance, explore ways that bring you peace, excitement, and joy. Some simple ways could be to watch your favourite movie, have a conversation with friends, or journal your thoughts. Spending time doing what you love and connecting with others and nature can create a shift in your perception, providing you with a more positive outlook that can tackle stress and frustration. Also, give yourself credit for what you have achieved and be proud of your accomplishments. Sometimes I feel like many of my expectations come from the fear of failure. With that in mind, it is normal and acceptable to experience failure, as it is how you grow and further develop your character. Failure does not define you, and use it to improve your skills and come back even stronger next time!