Is it that we can’t help it? Or perhaps an unconscious spoken decision? Whatever the case, it’s well known that we humans make excuses – all of us. Now, I don’t mean to frame this in an accusing way as not all excuses are harmful. In fact, some excuses are reasons to make us motivated. However, the general term ‘excuse’ isn’t suggestive of a positive thing.
We can categorize excuses into two kinds:
1. Used as a method of postponing a certain task or duty (ex: I can’t whistle yet because I haven’t had the time to practice)
2. Used to justify why you (as a person) are not at fault in a certain situation (ex: I couldn’t do the laundry because the cat was sleeping in the washing machine)
Lets focus on the second kind of excuses; the kind of phrases that we use to make ourselves seem better or put blame onto someone else for our own failure(s). When put this way, it seems like something only immature people would do. Yet, I catch myself making these excuses all the time. Sure if I reflect on my words, I would unlikely categorize them as ‘blaming’ someone, as that’s a rather extreme term. But if we boil things down to general terms, I do in fact blame others constantly. I know it’s a horrible thing but, normally, you don’t realize it until someone explicitly says it to you. We all make these excuses!
Honestly, I was taken aback, even swallowed, the first time I was confronted with the fact that I made way too many excuses as to why certain situations were not working to my favor because of other people. Whether that was missing a deadline or failing to meet expectations, I realized I needed to change my way of handling things. Following that incident, I came to a gradual realization and happiness with myself.
Making excuses will only create negative energy to be held within you. That energy may turn into short-term mood swings or long-term feelings of holding grudges. Accepting fault in your own self can only end in self-reflection and awareness of what you can do to improve yourself.
If you’re consistently disappointed with what’s going on, it simply means that you’re expecting too much from others. Know that other people aren’t going to change so easily just because you said they should. Changing your own outlook and reactions is the easiest and the most valuable path to follow.
Remember though: I’m not saying that if someone really did commit a wrong or is instead falsely accusing you of something, don’t passively take the blame! This is a completely different matter and it’s important to recognize the difference. Just be sure to be aware of your own thoughts and words so that you don’t create petty excuses to make yourself feel better. In the end, that will only turn out for worse. Stick to what’s most beneficial in the end for you and those surrounding you.
As I once heard from a TED Talk
Jonas Salk said, ‘If all the insects were to disappear from the Earth, within 50 years all life on Earth would end. If all human beings disappeared from the Earth, within 50 years all forms of life would flourish.’
We only have each other. Why not have each other’s backs in the span of our lifetimes? Don’t hold each other up as shields to block from the water balloons of fault and blame and general wrong. Instead, accept the impact of the water balloons and you can only grow more able to withhold the feeling and find methods to improve yourself and get hit by water balloons less.