We have all experienced drama some time in our lives, whether it be naive childhood disputes or a long-standing grudge. Although drama is most commonly present in friendships, it is not uncommon to find these difficult situations in professional, romantic, or other types of relationships. The term “drama” refers to issues or disagreements arising within a relationship. It can be caused by (but not limited to) jealousy, manipulation, betrayal, dishonesty, or misunderstandings between two or more parties. The convoluted nature of drama involving many other individuals or groups can, in turn, further perpetuate negative emotions.
If you happen to be caught in one of these unfortunate situations, here is a list of helpful steps and strategies to help you navigate the complexities of drama:
1. Take a step away from the situation.
Before reacting or making impulsive decisions, spend some time analyzing the drama. Try to view the drama from the perspective of an outsider or of the other party. Could you be overthinking or overreacting to a simple event? Have you considered how the other person is feeling? Reflect on the 5 W’s as well. Ask yourself questions like: “WHO is involved?” or “WHAT actually happened?” Sometimes, after reflecting on the situation, you will realize that there is no need to have a full-fledged confrontation if the person in question is a mere acquaintance or if what they did was unintentional and insignificant. On the other hand, recognize when to seek professional help when drama turns into bullying or abuse.
2. Plan your approach to the drama.
After sorting out your thoughts and emotions, attempt to rationally plan out your next course of action. What can you do to defuse the situation? When are you ready to discuss it with the other person? Avoid doing this alongside other people, because the more people who know about it (even if it is someone you trust), the more likely the situation is to escalate. Be logical in your approach, because remember, your goal is to build understanding in the relationship.
3. Forgive if you were wronged, apologize if you wronged them.
It may be difficult to discern between who was right and who was wrong, but more often than not, both parties contributed to both sides. Therefore, physically (e.g. breathing exercises) and mentally prepare yourself to forgive and apologize to the other person.
4. Have the conversation.
I know, it’s terrifying to even think about. But if you truly want to mend the relationship, then you must talk to the person.
Here are some tips:
DO’S
- Ask if they are willing to talk
- Choose somewhere private if they agree, preferably in a calm environment
- Respect their boundaries and behave politely
- Keep your emotions in check
- Be mindful of your tone and volume whilst talking
- Have open body language
- Use “I” statements (e.g. “I felt angry when you were rude and disrespectful to my friends.”)
- Be open-minded and clear up misunderstandings or disagreements
DO NOT’S
- Blame or criticize
- Overuse “you” statements (e.g. “You’re rude and disrespectful to my friends; you’re a bully.”)
- Use profanity or derogatory language
- Over-exaggerate (e.g. “You’re rude and disrespectful to everyone.”)
- Make insensitive comments
On the other hand, if the person is unwilling to talk or responds negatively to your efforts, acknowledge their behaviour and back away. Give them some time or let the situation defuse on its own before attempting again. If they still do not react positively, take that as a sign to leave the person alone. Although often inconspicuous to an unknowing eye, that person might just be your limiting factor. As difficult as it may be, sometimes only when you lose someone can you truly rise above. Mourn this loss, then find ways to improve and become your best self. You could explore new hobbies, pursue different interests, and most importantly, build fresh, healthy relationships with others. Always keep in mind that ridding toxicity in your life will only reap benefits for your future.
5. Set some ground rules for the future.
(Make sure the other party is on the same page as you with the drama before proceeding to this step.) The most challenging part is over! Now, discuss what the relationship will look like going forward. This could include new boundaries, conditions, and/or behaviours.
**Note that this advice is primarily from past experiences and should not replace the advice of a qualified mental health professional.
Sources: Featured Image / 1