Disclaimer: This post reflects my personal opinion and should only be regarded as such. This does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Youth Are Awesome or Youth Central. The topic of modesty is controversial and I therefore warn you that some content may offend some people with differing opinions.
Pretty much every girl in our generation, since a very young age, has been told time and time again to cover up, as not to be looked down upon as a quote unquote slut by fellow females or as a sexual object by males. There’s something about this that has bothered me for the longest time; something just doesn’t add up quite right. There is a distinct double standard here, because society also shows us that that sexuality is something that needs to be constantly put on display.
Girls are basically told that they need to protect themselves from the power of their bodies. By refusing to cover up all cleavage, midriff and shoulders, girls can “create impure thoughts in the minds of males” and are sometimes “just asking for it” and subject themselves to the judgment of their peers. In the same way, boys are taught, not necessarily directly, that it’s alright to objectify women who choose not to be modestly dressed at all times and that those who are modest are all prudes, all while not being held to the same judgment and standards. This is NOT to say that all men have a glaring disregard toward the respect of women. Very few truly do. The ones who view women as their equals and not as sexual objects are not the problem here. The problem is not only the men who are blinded by sexual intent due to societal standards, but also the women who feel that they need to get attention from men in that way and anyone, male or female, who views this unwritten social “rule of thumb” as being completely true in all situations.
The key word here is respect
Women should not need to feel that they need to be modest to protect themselves from this sort of “rape culture” that seems to have worked its way into our society. Modesty is a product of self-respect and respect for the people around you. It is not something that can or should be forced. However, it is something that is absolutely necessary in educational and professional environments. Going to school or to work scantily clad does not only show that you have a lack of respect for your own body, but also for your fellow students, your teachers and/or colleagues. As much as dress codes, especially in schools, may seem a bit overkill or unaccommodating at times, also keep in mind that not only are they a matter of respect, but of safety also.
A proposed solution: Improved education
From my observations, what I feel would be most effective in not only encouraging young girls to respect themselves and to get rid of the stigma attached to modesty is better education in this particular area. Instead of just teaching girls to cover up to protect themselves, we need to teach them that the entire root of the concept of modesty is in something as simple as respect. I know that in many schools and educational settings today, they try to teach that what is portrayed by the media isn’t necessarily something to aspire to. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s not really working. Not only does it a lot of times come off as preachy, but in case you hadn’t noticed, even with the sort of intervention that has been implemented up to this point, many girls just aren’t getting it. How many young girls still look up to false idols like Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj, Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears, among others or make fashion choices solely on what’s in magazines and “in style?” Not to say that today’s methods are completely useless, but they just aren’t having the effect that a lot of people would like to see. By improving the ways that we talk to girls about being modest for the right reasons, we can propagate a more effective solution to this deeply rooted issue.
There’s a time and a place for everything
Now, my entire point here was most certainly not to say that you shouldn’t wear certain articles of clothing because they’re immodest and disrespectful and that everyone needs to be modest at all times. That’s not what I’m saying at all. What I’m saying is that we need to be actively conscious of the situations in which we choose to wear certain things. It’s completely appropriate to wear a spaghetti strap top and short shorts in casual and seasonal situations. Wearing a tube top and a short skirt in a school or professional setting is completely inappropriate. Every piece of clothing known to humanity has a time and a place where it can be worn respectfully (although some things should really only be used as beachwear…). What we need to do is strike a balance between comfort, personal taste and respectful situational awareness. Modesty is not, in many cases, covering up (sometimes to the point of discomfort), but is picking clothing appropriate for the time and place.
Finally, I would just like to leave you with something to think about. If everyone respected each other with the same level that they would expect in return, how would our fashion choices change? How would we see each other? How would the way girls are raised change? How would society respond? These questions are all integral to the concept of modesty as a whole. The next step is to implement solutions, stamp out the stigma and get rid of the double standard. How would the world look then?