I think it’s a widely known fact by now, that everyone loves talking but nobody likes to listen. We’ve all got areas of interests, and once a conversation begins to direct towards that particular field, the rambling begins. I’m definitely guilty of this, and I know most people are, but nevertheless, our love of speaking overrules empathy for the bored listeners.
But sometimes, speaking or lecturing is required, and the speaker wishes for nothing more than attention from the listener. But that passion towards whatever subject might be completely one-sided, and the listener might only hear but not listen. U-huh, OK, and sure have become the favourite words of a bored listener, acting as a weak but effective way to hurry the conversation along. But what if what the speaker is saying is an important reminder for the listener? Isn’t it frustrating to know that the time and effort you put into confronting them is going in one ear and coming out the other? And more importantly, how can you tell when someone is not listening to you?
Seeing how the topic of body language is usually the center of my rambles, I’ll start by deciphering the unspoken words of the bored. Most of them are extremely obvious, only because a lot of us have seen them repetitively throughout speaking. The wandering eyes of an elementary student, the loud yawn of a disobedient cousin, or the impatient tapping of feet by the student next to present. But a certain number of people are very good at concealing their boredom, so how else can you detect their lack of participation? What I’ve been taught is to first study their feet! If there’s an exit in the room, a bored listener’s feet will unconsciously start to turn towards that exit. In fact, their whole body will begin to lean away from you and towards the door.
And while all this is going on, you’re searching through your mind for something diplomatic and tactical and graceful that you can say to help end the conversation. And when that won’t work, you must find another way, and I go directly to body language. I use my body language to show that the conversation’s over. I find myself leaning at a 45 degree angle, trying to indicate the direction I’d like to go if this person were to just stop talking. And I might even give him a verbal cue: surgery, I’m late for surgery. I’m having my ears sewn shut.
-Geroge Carlin
George Carlin could not have said it better. When a conversation begins to bore us, we will shy away from the speaker and move towards an exit, hoping the speaker will catch that hint. Sometimes the listener will look you directly in the eyes as to politely try to convince your grasp of their attention, but fumble with their hands or casually slide their legs in another direction. When that happens, maybe it’s time to reconsider the approach of your speech.
Another way to detect boredom is through verbal nudges. For example, you’re trying to explain to your project partner that his/her part of the work needs to be done by tonight, but your partner instead questions the definition of a big word you’ve used to explain the situation. Then the partner elaborates on your reply and cleverly uses this to nudge the conversation towards another topic. The partner is either trying to hide something, or just fed up with your nagging. Someone who’ll try to hide their boredom, on the other hand, may ask you simple questions that may only somewhat relate to your topic. Oh really? Then what? How was it? These are some examples.
And now for a little trick on getting their attention. If you’re giving an oral presentation, emphasize on some of your points. Use German based words once in a while instead of Latin based words. For example, chicken instead of poultry. Latin based words are rounded and smooth to the hearing, and will easily slip away from the mind of a half-asleep classmate. German based words have a little more edge and will capture attention better.
Know that sometimes it’s not the listener’s fault for the lack of communication. The speaker can also be at fault for going off topic and maybe just flat out being boring. If both sides can just come to a compromise, the message would be a lot easier sent. Thank you for listening to my ramble, and I hope it didn’t bore you too much.