Lately I keep thinking, “I’m only 16 once,” which sounds dramatic, but it’s more just… a thought that keeps popping up. I’m in Grade 11 now, so university and whatever “adult life” is supposed to be feels way closer than I’m ready for. Some days it hits me that this version of life — high school, random plans, walking around with nowhere to be — isn’t going to last forever. And I don’t want to look back and realize I spent all of it waiting for something better to happen.
I think a lot of this started when I began going downtown more, probably around ninth grade, mostly because of volunteering at first. Somewhere between standing on the train platform in the cold, walking around with my headphones in, and just killing time in the city, I started to really love it. Not in a movie way, but in a small way. Like when you’re walking with music and everything feels quieter in your head for a second. Or when you’re with friends and a random walk turns into a long conversation you didn’t plan on having. Even being alone can feel nice sometimes — not lonely, just calm — as long as you’re being safe about it.
Some memories are just staying out way longer than you meant to because no one wanted to be the first person to go home. Other days it’s literally just me, my earbuds, and taking the long way somewhere for no reason. Both feel important. Being around people matters, but so does learning how to be okay with yourself. Not everything has to be loud or exciting to count.
I used to think “making memories” meant everything had to look good. Cute outfit, good lighting, actual plan. Very Pinterest, very curated. But the stuff that sticks isn’t like that at all. It’s the blurry photos you don’t post. The after-school snack runs. The bus rides where everyone’s exhausted but still laughing at the dumbest things. The walks home that were supposed to be five minutes and somehow turned into an hour.
Being in Grade 11 makes everything feel closer. Closer to the end of high school. Closer to new routines. Closer to a life that probably won’t have this much free time or this many unplanned moments. It’s not scary exactly, but it does make things feel more real. It makes me want to stop saying “maybe next time” and start saying “sure, why not” a little more.
That’s kind of my thing lately: saying yes. Yes to plans I almost cancel. Yes to going out even when I’m tired. Yes to doing things even if they’re not perfectly planned or perfectly aesthetic. Not in a reckless way—just in a “I don’t want to miss this” way. I don’t want my memories of being 16 to just be stress, homework, and waiting for the next phase of life to start.
There’s so much pressure to always be productive, like every moment has to be useful. But some moments are just meant to be lived. Walking around. Laughing too loud. Staying out a bit later than you meant to. Sitting somewhere with a coffee and pretending your life is a movie for five minutes. These aren’t things you put on a resume, but they’re the things that make life feel full.
I don’t have some big plan for how to make memories. I just don’t want to keep saying “later” all the time. Sometimes that means saying yes when it would be easier to stay home. Sometimes it means doing something even when it’s not a whole thing.
I know this phase of life isn’t going to last. That’s kind of the point. I just want to be able to say I actually lived it while I was here.