At some point, as kids, we were all asked the same question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
And somehow, that question followed us. From elementary school days when we would eagerly answer “princess!” and “unicorn”, to high school guidance offices, to awkward family dinners. By the time you’re a teenager, it feels like you’re supposed to have an answer ready. Not just any answer, but a passionate and sure one. A dream job. Something impressive, specific, and preferably achievable.
And although it might seem like your peers around you have one, as they acquire specialized internships, enroll in specific courses, and seem to have all the tribulations in finding a career settled, it’s completely normal to not have everything figured out yet. In fact, I would go on to say that most of us don’t.
There’s this idea that if you don’t know exactly what you want to do with your life, you’re behind. Where everyone else has a plan they’re confidently following, it can feel like you’re wandering aimlessly. In truth, I believe a lot of people are just guessing. Or picking something that sounds good because it makes other people, or even themselves, feel a fleeting sense of comfort and safety. We’re pressured to turn interests into careers before we’ve even had the chance to fully explore them. You like art? Be a graphic designer. You like helping people? Maybe a nurse. You’re good at science? Engineering, obviously. Suddenly, everything you enjoy feels like it has to justify itself by becoming a job. And if it can’t, it feels useless. On the other end of this spectrum, it can feel like a betrayal to yourself if you don’t select a career that particularly suits what you’re truly interested in. For example, as someone who enjoys humanities, and arts, I was always primed by my peers and adults around me to pursuing something more “realistic”, or with greater job opportunities in a STEM based discipline. This introduced an ugly stressor in my life, a feeling of having to choose between what would help me “actually succeed” in the future and betraying my true self, or pursuing my genuine interests and risking my quality of life as an adult.
However, although it’s important to consider your future carefully, your life doesn’t need an in-depth five-year plan at 16. Or 18. Or even 21. Of course, be responsible with your future, but it’s ridiculous to think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t know where your life might go in the future. Not having a dream job doesn’t mean you’re unmotivated or lazy. Sometimes it just means you’re honest about the fact that you don’t know who you’ll be in ten years, because you’re still figuring out who you are right now.
As well as this, people change. A lot. The version of you that exists today will not be the same version of you in five years, no matter how sure you feel. Interests shift. Values change. Life happens. Locking yourself into one “dream” too early might cause more harm than good, especially if you’re rushing into something because you feel like you’re supposed to have one. Not to mention the anxiety of feeling like you’ve made the wrong decision. There’s also this pressure to love your job. Like if you don’t wake up every morning excited to work, you’ve done something wrong. But a job doesn’t have to be your entire identity. It can be something that pays the bills, gives you stability, and leaves room for the parts of your life that actually bring you joy. Passion doesn’t only exist in careers. It can exist in hobbies, relationships, creativity, and community.
It’s okay if your current goal is just to survive school. Or to figure out what you don’t like. Some people find their dream job early, which is awesome for them. Others find it later. Some never have one, and still live meaningful, happy lives. There isn’t one correct timeline, even though it feels like there is when you’re constantly comparing yourself to everyone else.
If you don’t have a dream job, maybe you have something else instead: curiosity, kindness, resilience, creativity. Those matter. And they’ll take you further than a perfectly polished answer ever could.
So next time someone asks what you want to be when you grow up, remember this: you’re allowed to say “I don’t know yet.” You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to grow at your own pace.
So, if have absolutely no clue what you want to do, even at your big age of 16 (or 17 or 18)…
You’re not behind!! Be nice to yourself, and it’ll be okay. I often think about how it’s unfair to place the weight of our futures on a single decision we make at 16 or 17. Like honestly, I’m 16 and I can’t even pass my drivers test…(don’t tell anyone)!