The purpose of a compliment is to express to someone your genuine admiration, appreciation, or respect for someone or something. However, I’ve felt that as I’ve grown up, especially as a girl, being complimented or complimenting someone has turned into somewhat of a social commission, an obligatory gesture intended to build connection rather than an honest expression. Whilst still very kind, I’ve found that compliments are becoming increasingly more vague, generic, and standard – ultimately taking away from their impact and meaning. In this article, I hope to share with you a couple things (things I am working on myself!) to help you elevate your compliments, and bring more authenticity to your words.
1. Be attentive, notice details
The most meaningful compliments I’ve ever personally received always feel very specific to me, a product of touchingly careful and thoughtful observations. When you compliment a specific detail about someone, it makes them feel seen on a deeper level than if you were to make a broad statement. It also will give them the impression that they are important to you, in the fact that you took that little bit of extra time to say something not only kind, but attentive.
ex.) instead of “nice outfit!”, you could say “I love your [accessory, article of clothing], the color/style/aesthetic really suits you!”
ex.) instead of “you’re so kind”, you could say “I really admire how you make everyone feel welcome, and how you treat everybody with so much patience”
2. Honesty – the truth doesn’t always hurt
I had mentioned briefly before that I felt as though compliments had become more of a social habit, rather than an authentic thought people chose to express. A compliment really doesn’t mean anything at all if you don’t. It’s easy to want to flatter somebody, and tell them what they want to hear, but I urge you to incorporate more sincerity in your character by keeping the things you say as honest as possible. My rule is, I’ll only give compliments I actually believe in to be true. If I have nothing nice to say, I simply won’t say it at all. This may sound like a blunt approach, but I actually find that it not only adds more weight to the words I do say, but also a refreshing clarity in my everyday life.
3. Don’t always default to appearance!
It’s easy to appreciate what you see, but the most meaningful compliments comment on the beauty of what you don’t see. Try and take the time to notice details about the qualities that make up who someone is. Traits like honesty, kindness, strength, courage and patience are often the lesser recipients of casual praise in our relationships and society – something I think we should make an effort to change.
ex.) “you’re such a thoughtful person.”
“you put so much work and care into what you do.”
“you’re really insightful, I love hearing your perspective on things.”
“you bring really good energy into a room.”
So, the next time you find yourself in the throes of mundane small talk, and you feel the urge to reflexively exclaim, “oh my gosh, you’re so pretty!“, to connect with someone you just met, direct your good efforts into thinking a little bit more, and speaking a little more sincerely. Giving a thoughtful compliment can not only make the receiver feel truly seen, but also provide the giver with quiet moments of appreciating what makes people so special, of gratitude.
Love this post Anne! Meaningful compliments have such a great positive impact on people, and I’m glad you’re educating us on how to give them 🙂
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