Interviews, public speaking, debates, speeches, presentations: these are all examples of nerve-wracking situations for some people. Many people blame their personality type, or whether they are an introvert or an extrovert, for their vulnerability to stage fright and nervousness that accompany public speaking. While your personality can definitely play a major role in affecting your behaviour in public settings, the more important factor is the level of confidence you have in yourself. An increase in self confidence allows us to trust our own abilities. This trust provides us the courage to carry ourselves with conviction, even in the most intimidating settings.
However, with that said, self confidence does not come easily. No matter what our personality is, we all want to be liked by people. Wanting to be respected by others is not wrong. However, it is important that we do not base our every action upon the desire to impress other people. Now, we’ve all heard the saying “don’t be a people-pleaser.” The truth is, no one wants to be a people pleaser. However, its hard to contain ourselves from seeking praise and approval from those around us. While there is no magic cure for this, habits that develop a positive mindset regarding ourselves can be helpful.
In this blog, I will share some habits that you can try to boost self confidence, and advocate for yourself during times of social anxiety.
1. Think of your past accomplishments
One of the best ways to developing strong self esteem is to reward yourself. It’s important to understand and acknowledge the good deeds that you’ve accomplished in the past, and are accomplishing currently in the present. Although accomplishments can include things like winning an award, they don’t necessarily have to be limited to this. Day-to-day accomplishments include helping a friend or family member. Achieving daily goals that you set for yourself, such as reading a book, getting good sleep, or exercising are all examples of accomplishments.
When you remind yourself that you are capable of meeting your goals, you are doing yourself a favour. Rewarding yourself reinforces a sense of trust in your self-responsibility.
2. Develop positive relationships
We’ve all been in friendships where we feel valued, as well as those which bring us down. When you surround yourself with people who make you feel appreciated, and who inculcate a feeling of positivity in you, your confidence naturally increases. Conversely, when you are in a toxic friendship, you are constantly overwhelmed by the urge to change yourself. This way, it is absolutely crucial that your friends are people who accept you based on who you are. Healthy friends instill a feeling of self-sufficiency, so that you feel satisfied with yourself.
3. Step outside of your comfort zone
Although anxiety and nervousness tend to kick in when you are in stressful situations, such as an interview or a public gathering, it’s important to expose yourself to these situations. You can develop the skills needed to tackle these uncomfortable situations only when you take the step to put yourself in these situations. That said, its also important that these steps are realistic, and not giant leaps. A person who finds public speaking absolutely nerve-wracking (like me), does not necessarily have to build this skill by joining a competitive debate team. Taking small but consistent steps such as participating more in classroom discussions or volunteering in the community are more helpful.
A part of fostering that confidence in your abilities comes with assuring yourself that you can combat challenges. To do this, you need to put yourself out there, and develop the needed skills to overcome obstacles.
4. Say good-bye to negative thoughts
When you have negative thoughts about yourself, you lose the trust in your abilities. This discourages you from trying new things, and you have the urge to stay in your comfort zone. Although negative thoughts are common in everyone, especially during times of stress, such as exams, it’s important that these do not limit you. While it is not easy to erase these thoughts from your mind, the strategies mentioned above can help to increase the number of positive thoughts about yourself. Indulging in activities or hobbies that you enjoy are also great ways to focus on the positive things about yourself.
TL;DR
We all know it’s not a good habit to be a people-pleaser, but we can’t help it sometimes. The best way to stop this is to increase self-confidence by:
- Reminding yourself of your achievements.
- Ensuring that you feel appreciated in your friendships and relationships.
- Taking small but consistent steps towards tackling challenging situations.
- Acknowledge the activities you are good at so that you have motivation and confidence to try new ones.