It may be hard to believe, but we are already halfway through the first month of 2022. Many people take the new year as a time to turn over a new leaf—to quit their bad habits and start afresh. Unfortunately, the vast majority are unsuccessful in creating lasting change. I know I’ve certainly broken a few New Year’s resolutions in my time. There are many reasons for this phenomenon of false starts, but they all boil down to one thing: a person’s relationship with time.
Most of us don’t have all that great a relationship with the time. We know ourselves to spend hours on social media, or to ignore our circadian rhythms and pull all-nighters to study for a test or binge the latest season of Grey’s Anatomy (seriously, there are so many seasons). But if we could change the way we look at time, quit the shame spiral which paralyzes our progress, and come up with a way to manage the operation in a happier, less stressful way, it could be the key to everything.
Around now, when your resolve may be beginning to flag, here are some ways to develop a healthier relationship with time. We only have so much of it, after all!
1. Reflect on where the time goes
Where does the time go? Sometimes, it flies by; other times, it drags like a man in iron shoes. It’s one of the most peculiar concepts of human society and the most elusive commodity we have. Everyone gets the same 24 hours, but are all 24 hours created equal? Some are born to more opportunities than others. And it is up to the individual whether to take the opportunities presented to them.
Are you spending time on the things that are really important to you? What are your biggest sources of distraction; likewise, what makes you feel fired up and ready to work? Change requires self-awareness; after living with yourself for this many years, you know yourself better than anyone else. Still, your own self-perception can easily deceive if you’re passive about it, and it’s important when you start out on your journey to know yourself properly. This is how you will be able to actually self-help when the time comes.
2. Small steps
When mountaineers set out to climb Mount Everest, they don’t start by climbing Everest right away. Even after years of training, they typically do acclimatizing climbs of similar mountains before ever stepping foot in Everest’s Base Camp.
Don’t expect to wake up one day at 5:00 AM, run five miles, cut all your sugar, and stop procrastinating all in one day. You may be able to do this for a few days, if that, but you will most likely burn out before long and end up right back where you started.
Start with something small and manageable. Wake up earlier than usual in five minute increments. Writing one word or one line or one paragraph of that assignment you got earlier today will set you up better than no words or lines or paragraphs. And recognize that usually it isn’t about what you do or the time something takes; it’s about the path it sets you on.
3. Find what works for you
It’s important not to fall into the trap of pursuing the “ideal” life either. We’ve all heard it a hundred times: social media is creating unrealistic expectations. We only ever see the good in the lives of others anymore. But it’s not just social media; it’s the social norms which idealize those who are able to maintain “perfect bodies” or “perfect diets” or killer routines morning, noon, and night.
If you’re looking to make changes to your life, think about why you’re making them. Waking up at 5:00 AM isn’t for everyone; neither is running a marathon or learning a new language in thirty days or following health fads or writing studygram worthy notes. What do you want to do? Personally, this year I want to read as a regular habit. I tend to read things all in one sitting, which makes it harder to read when I feel like I have to carve out massive chunks of time to do it in. Reading a few pages a day still allows for binge-reading, but it also means I’m reading more regularly and will probably get more reading done with less guilt attached in the long run.
In terms of managing time around that, try strategies like time blocking. Feel free to experiment, and don’t be discouraged if what works for others doesn’t work for you. We’re all different; we’re not supposed to have the same goals or ideas and we’re not supposed to respond identically to the same stimulus. Figure out what you want to do, and do it for yourself—not for anyone else. This will make it easier to put the time in.
4. Let guilt and frustration go
Two things are true: 1) Setbacks are always discouraging and 2) Getting hung up on them is ultimately the least productive thing you can do, and the least fulfilling.
Unfortunately, negative feelings are a natural reaction to setbacks. Getting trapped in a shame spiral? More likely than you think. Eventually, your relationship with yourself and with time will be at the stage that you will be able to skip these negative feelings most of the time and move on, but especially in the early stages every failure or indulgence—small or big—will feel disappointing and even impossible to overcome. When this happens, the most important thing is to give space for these feelings so that you don’t fall into them. Repressing things invariably makes them worse. You must find a balance between feeling guilt and frustration, recognizing those feelings, and letting them go. The past is the past: whether or not you are religious, you may find some meaning applicable to this situation in the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
You are allowed to feel the bad—in fact, it is necessary to your mental health and to your growth. But finding that serenity is going to be the most important thing; it will give you the strength to keep going in the face of adversity.